Lee Thompson Young's Death ... Tragic and Questionable?

The time was around 12:00 or 12:30 pm, I was at the computer editing a project for my cousin when she gasped and said "Oh my Gosh ... Arri your boo died, well one of them". I felt my stomach drop and the tension rise to my head as I looked over in shock. I was thinking, okay which one could she be talking about ... Drake maybe? Lee? oh please don't be him. "Who?", I asked, anxious but dreading the answer. "Lee Thompson Young!" I felt my whole countenance fall as she read Tia Mowry's tweet regarding his death. At first I was thinking, hoping that maybe this was some type of joke, you know how twitter is always killing off people that are indeed alive but when she read Tia's tweet and other sources I knew it was the truth. Now, when I asked how he died I was expecting her to say a car accident, he was sick, something along those lines but when she read to me suicide I was floored. First of all, he was the last person I expected to die so soon but then to hear he died of suicide, I just couldn't fathom him doing something like that. Not that I knew him personally or anything but just from the outside looking in it just didn't seem like his character. I've looked at almost all of his interviews and whatnot prior to his death and I never had the impression that he was troubled, he appeared to be well rounded, nice career, you never heard about him being involved with drugs or scandals, everyone that knew him had nothing but positive words to say about his character so why this? I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

In my mind I tried to conjure up reasons as to why he would want to end his own life. I thought maybe although he is well off, maybe he felt he was getting older and he wasn't at the place in his career where he wanted to be. There are lots of actors/actresses that don't reach Academy or Oscar awards status, not because they aren't talented but because they aren't willing to compromise their values and who they are in order to excel in that industry. We all know the entertainment industry is dirty so I can see how that could take a toll on a person, especially if it's something they're passionate about. Then, I started thinking did he do something or did someone do/say something to him that he felt he couldn't overcome, maybe it was a mistake, perhaps he was doing something with the gun and didn't check the safety lock and he accidentally shot himself or maybe he was just lonely? Whatever the case may be I just find it crazy that no one had an inkling that he was at that state of depression. I know that not all people that commit suicide leave notes but there had to have been some sign or indication that something wasn't right. Then again, everyone handles their emotions differently, you honestly never know what could be happening in a person's life or what type of thoughts they could be harboring. Not to mention, the spirit of depression is difficult to get rid of. Anyway, my next series of inquiries revolved around the investigation.

Me being the inquisitive person that I am, I wanted details. The statements said that the Landlord found him in his apartment, so I'm wondering what room was his body found in? the kitchen? living room? maybe the bathroom? also he lives in an apartment, not a house which implies he has neighbors, either on both sides or above and below and no one heard anything? maybe they were all at work -_- *shrugs*. What was he wearing? was he wearing PJ's or was he dressed like he was going in to work? who was the last person he talked to and when? where did they find the gun and is it even his? I mean inquiring minds want to know! The last thing I read is that his family admitted that he had previously suffered from depression and that they are trying to contact his doctors to get some answers other than that there is no indication in his computer files or his diary as to why he was depressed or committed suicide. So I'm wondering if they prescribed any anti-depressants, I've read that there have been many cases of suicides while on certain medicines and it only makes me wonder. All of this is just speculation and I know celebrities are human and they have problems (if not more) and die just like everyone else but it's so much craziness going on nowadays it's hard for me to take their deaths at face value anymore and I know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I don't know but I wish someone knew something, he seemed like such a pleasant, down to earth guy and that's what I liked most about him. When I would watch his interviews, especially the video he made with his friend (which happens to be my favorite) and they were talking about their college experiences I just got the impression that he was like "the boy next door", cute sense of humor, not someone you would feel intimidated by, just an overall good guy. And to think that whatever he was going through was so unbearable that he would rather die than live another day is devastating, and that's for anybody who has committed or even contemplated suicide. I think I honestly would have rather someone else taken his life than for him to take his own (if indeed it's true). You know, I just read that he had been dabbling in an African religion called Yoruba looking to seek enlightenment but I guess he didn't find what he was looking for. I bring this up because I always wondered if he was a Christian and if he knew the Lord (apart of my criteria for future prospects) and I wonder if he did would that have made a difference, maybe if he or some of these other people who've ended their own lives would've known, if someone could have shared how precious and how important they are in Christ and that despite their circumstances, no matter how lonely they feel there is a Savior who cares, who loves us so much that he willingly suffered cruelty, humiliation, took our penalty and died so that we can be reunited with the Father once again maybe, just maybe they would've thought twice.

Gosh it wasn't too long ago that I watched him and his friend's video (below) for the umpteenth time, I even watched "The Jett Jackson Movie" again, in YEARS on the little screen on my iphone, and I had a couple pics of him in my phone (for eye candy purposes, it's totally normal). I mean even though I probably would have never met him just the fact that now I know I never will saddens me everytime I think about it. Another life snuffed out way too soon smh. Unfortunately, we'll probably still be left with questions regarding this matter and I pray that God will give comfort to his family and friends in this hard time.


Below are a couple of my fave vids of him :)

My Love Affair With Cha Cha Malone

He's young, he's talented, and I Love Him! well not literally but his talent inspires me (seeing that I'm an aspiring music producer/lyricist ... well I'm working on it)

This love affair first started when I heard him and Jay Park's (whom I love as well but I just feel me and Cha Cha have more of a connection) song "Speechless". I honestly lost count of how many times I listened to that song in just one week. About a month or so later, after I played "Speechless" all the way out, I got a wift of the "Single Life" which is another song written and produced by yours truly, Chase V. Malone. By this time, I was so intrigued and smitten by him and his talent that I began watching his YouTube videos in which most of them consist of him goofing around and in his studio engineering tracks (I love watching that). Then, of course, I started following him on Twitter and from there listening to every single one of his tracks on Rocbattle.com (no exaggeration).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a stalker or anything, it's not like I know his biography or his favorite food, color or anything like that, I'm not THAT sick guys. But, I do know that he is black and Filipino, he's 25 (I think) I believe he's from Seattle, he's apart of a b-boy group known as AOM which includes Jay Park (famous K-pop artist), Lyle Beninga (well known choreographer) and a few other guys that I don't recall at the moment ... for everything else there's Google.

I can't explain it but I really really like Cha Cha, it's like I get this tingly feeling inside when I listen to his tracks and I get this sudden surge of inspiration and it motivates me to really start pushin' this music thing like I should've done ages ago. Thank you Cha Cha, though you aren't my one and only, you hold a special place in my heart :). I can see you going very far (I mean you're already doing your thing in the K-pop industry) and I would love to have the opportunity to meet you and make music with you one day. Until then, I'll just stick to following you on Twitter and sending you random mentions.

You can find him on the following:

youtube.com/funkychacolate

twitter.com/chachaAOM

soundcloud.com/chachamalone

rocbattle.com/chachamalone

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT!!! READ NOW!

I had a couple people mention that my posts were too long so how's this? ...























Haha! I had to lol :P

Unrequited Love or a Love Unspoken ...

Maybe a week or so ago I read a story named "Collections of Love". It was composed of three short stories, each told from three people's perspective. The story centered around their relationship & was pretty much based on the idea of unrequited love. Out of all three stories the last one "Mouldings of Love" really left an impression on me. Without giving away too much I'll just state that what disturbed me the most about the main character is that he was actually in love with the woman that loved him but he was in a state of denial. I'm not sure if at the time he couldn't recognize his own feelings, or whether he really even wanted to but whatever the case may be, it eventually led him to suffer & forever long for something he was obviously missing, something that had always been there. The ending of his story left me somewhat dejected and asking the question "what if?".

Unrequited love ... many of us have probably shared the mentally and emotionally agonizing experience of being emotionally involved with someone who didn't reciprocate our feelings but what about the unspoken kind? The one where both parties have a mutual physical and emotional attraction but perhaps one misread or ignored the signs or simply neither chose to express it. Maybe, later on in life one of the individuals finally admits to their feelings but by that time it seems that it is always too late, or not, it depends. On the other hand, say the person never said anything at all and both go through life oblivious, never knowing that the one they like/love actually loved them back.

Me, I've experienced both unrequited like and the unspoken and while both are equally painful it really leaves me bothered that the person I secretly admired actually felt the same and neither one of us uttered a word. It plagues me so, because I'm left with the lingering question of "what if?" ?" what if I would've told him how I felt? or what if he would've said something sooner? what would've happened? would we be together? would our lives have been different? Perhaps being ignorant of the fact would be identical to it being unrequited and would probably be an easier pill to swallow but the latter unfortunately leaves a bitter aftertaste.

Often times we may conceal our feelings or tend to not put ourselves out there in fear of rejection or some other reason depending on the circumstances. This is totally understandable but I'm beginning to feel that if the person isn't involved or married what's stopping you?! us?! People have always told me "don't be afraid to open your mouth ... the worst a person can say is no" and I would think,"that's the point! I don't like to hear NO ... NO hurts". But, sometimes rejection is better than not knowing.

Truthfully speaking, I don't want to end up like the guy in the story feeling pathetic and miserable, living his life in self-denial, lonely and longing for a love that has always been there; Or, how about the people in the movies who's heart shatters as they watch the person they love walk down the isle, present their vows to and marry someone else. Just the thought itself causes me to feel somewhat emotional. In the end, I don't want to be subject to a love unspoken, the one replaying the words "who knows what could've been, what would've been had I just opened my mouth" ... what about you?

If you would like to check out the story I read here's the link Collections of Love :)

Asians: preference or fetish? part 1

Asians, is it a preference or a fetish? I'd actually been contemplating this matter for awhile when I came across a similar question & a video discussing this exact question in one of my AMBW (Asian men, Black Women)  groups on fb. The incident that made me question myself was maybe a month ago when my brother first informed me about Jeremy Lin (not surprising right?). My sis pulled up a pic of him in which I thought he didn't look too shabby. Following that I made the statement, "now I have a reason to watch basketball" which was slightly true b/c I don't really watch basketball like that. But, now that I think back on it, I honestly didn't pay him too much mind afterwards. About a week later I was scrolling through the posts in the AMBW group yet again and I stumbled across one of his interviews. I was interested in what he had to say so I decided to check it out. During the interview he seemed very humble and that was a plus but it was when he started talking about God & he made the statement "I want to glorify God in everything that I do" that I was sold. *screams inside head "YESSSSSS"*. Now, all of a sudden I'm watching basketball more than usual, I've watched plenty of his interviews & all his nerdy videos on YouTube etc. One day I had to ask myself "why do I like him?" is it because he's Asian? or maybe because he's a Christian? What if/when I finally do date an Asian guy and he asks me the same question? is it just a fetish for me? I really needed to do some self-reflection. Feeling a bit shallow and superficial, for the moment, I needed someone else's perspective so I asked my sis to give me her honest opinion. My sister stated that she believes I am genuinely attracted to Asian men but that it has become a bit fetish-ish on the other hand she recalls me not being just attracted to their men but also their music, their fashion, the fact that I think their women are pretty etc. Lastly she mentioned that me being attracted to J. Lin for the reasons I stated is just a matter of preference and the same principle can be applied to any person." .... she was right. My liking for Asian guys & Asian Culture in general didn't begin when I came onto the K-pop scene and noticed how nice looking the men were, it began when I was a child. After much thinking I figured it was time I revisit the days when this love affair first started. (Lmbo that sounds so dramatic ... *ahem* anywho)


I've always had an ear for music so naturally that's the 1st thing I'd be attracted to. Though, I'm not quite sure exactly where I heard it, I remember as a child hearing traditional Chinese music. It was the unique and beautiful way that the women sang & the exotic sound of the instruments (esp the erhu and pipa) that really caught my attention. From that day forward I was hooked and that only proved to be the very beginning of a life long love affair ;). I remember trying to emulate the sound of those instruments when I would hum my own songs. My Uncle & Auntie told me that one day I asked them if I could sing a song for them and I ended up singing in Chinese, well, atleast my own 4 yr old version of Chinese lol. The sound of the oriental instruments still influences my taste in music today, one of my favorite producers Tim & Bob always incorporated those sounds in their music which is why I like them & their music so much.

Anyway, another influence was my uncle, the one I mentioned above, he was/still is heavy into martial arts which is apart of the reason it's grown to be one of my favorite genres of movies & videogames, I also took a Ninjutsu class when I was 12. Speaking of videogames, by kindergarten I was playing Tekken 2 (which is one of my fave vg franchises btw) at my cousin's house everyday after school. I played that game so much I memorized the ending credits theme "Landscape Under the Ghost (Kaminano)". I had no idea what they were saying but hey, *shrugs* it sounded good and yes I still know it to this day & I sing it from time to time when I'm alone ... don't judge me. Eventually after listening to the Tekken soundtrack umpteen times, seeing them played in the movie "The Hunted", and I'm sure a few other movies I became familiar with the Japanese drums. In third grade, on a school field trip I got to see a live Japanese drums performance. Oh my goodness I was so excited!

Somewhere in between that time is when I took to the garments; I thought the elaborate manner in which the women adorned their hair & the intricate, detailed design of their clothing was beautiful, and the fans, who didn't like those fans or the nice Chinese silk pj's? btw mine were black :). Perhaps a couple years later is when Mulan hit the theaters, not only did I go see the movie but I had not one but two Mulan dolls.

Around 2nd grade is when Toonami made its debut on Cartoon Network and following a few years after was Adult Swim. To say I watched both faithfully is an understatement. Watching Anime for so many years introduced me to the more modernized Japanese music such as J-rock & J-pop. Soon, I began listening to various artists and composers i.e Yoko Kanno, Mika Nakashima, L'Arc En Ciel, Nujabes, Kanon Wakashima etc. By this time I also started to become interested in learning the Japanese language and a many other aspects of their culture.

1998 is the year Lethal Weapon 4 came out and we had it on VHS. I would always hear my Mama talk about how "fiiiiine" Jet Li was with his long braid so, one day I finally decided to watch it and I must say, I agreed. Almost immediately I developed a crush and I followed all of his movies. Now let me clarify something, I thought Jet-Li was a good-looking man but not because he was Asian. I don't recall growing up around many Asians but nonetheless I was brought up to be very open-minded especially when it came to cultural diversity. At that age "race" wasn't even a factor, if I thought someone was handsome it was b/c I genuinely believed that person to be handsome. Heck, a couple of my celeb crushes included George Clooney & Al Pacino for Pete's sake and my kindergarten crush was a white boy named Anthony ... I wasn't attracted to them because they were white but because of the simple fact that they were attractive. Anyway, as I watched Martial Arts movies & Asian cinmema my interests starting branching off. Fastfoward to my junior and senior year in high school, that's when I started reading manga and I was introduced to the k-pop scene, sequentially Thai-pop, Viet-pop so on and so forth.

I honestly can go on and on about my Asian escapades but I think I've illustrated pretty well that my love for Asian culture didn't happen overnight and that it isn't subjective to just the men. Ultimately, my goal was to demonstrate that I enjoy many aspects of Asian culture from their histories to their languages, cinema, architecture, fashion and anything else you can think of. Honestly, I liked Ninjas and Harajuku before Nicki Minaj and her platoon of "Barbies" even knew what a Harajuku was!

Now I will admit that at a certain point, and I agree with my Sis on this, that it did become fetishy but I'll go into further detail in part 2.

P.S I know this was pretty long but I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway :)

Can't Bring EVERYBODY "home to Mama"

"Just because he brought you home to meet his mother doesn't mean a thing, she could be used to it by now" I read this tweet by @SheiFumi a long time ago and I thought, "this is so true". It's nothing like the old days when people only brought home individuals they were serious with and when I say serious I mean someone they've been for more than two months and actually see a future with. Seems like nowadays people bring everyone "home to Mama", the gesture and expression hold no value anymore smh. People bring home the dips, side pieces, one nighters, friends with benefits and any other term they have for people you AREN'T involved with; for people who are involved, if they change their love interests like they do their undies this applies to them as well. STOP bringing all these irrelevant individuals home to meet the parents! everybody isn't deserving not to mention it's NOT a good look.

that's all Ciao! :)

My Humiliating Experience With Tekken 6 online

Just to start things off I love playing videogames, been playing them since I could spell my name and one of my faves is Tekken (along with Final Fantasy and Soul Calibur but that's besides the point). So I'm what you would call a Beast in that game right (I'm not being arrogant this is what people have told me :)) and everyone I play I beat especially the guys, oooohhh they hate it when I beat them, they talk all that trash but then want to get mad and say the game was cheating when I clearly crushed them, such sore losers smh.

Anywho, we finally got WiFi awhile ago so I figured I'd play online, pick my girl Asuka and thrash a few people .... -____- as soon as it began I could tell it was over. My backside along with my ego was served to me on a platter, I could barely get a freakin lick in but I figured ok whatever I'll go a few rounds with other people .......*a few minutes later* "OHHH MYYY GOOOSHHHH!!!! CAN I FREAKIN GET UP! JEEESH!" by this time I was getting angry, this butt much didn't even have the common decency to let me get up .... I lost that fight.  I had a couple more fights where people juggled me for what seemed like an eternity and did inhumane combos, I actually almost won one but the other person's internet was lagging which caused him to get a hit in at the last moment, I'm pretty sure you could just imagine my facial expression ( double -___- with a few frustrated grunts and some wailing hands & feet) By that time I had already reasoned that these people were losers that obviously had nothing else better to do with their lives than sit on their couch and memorize combos that AREN'T even on the flippin command list. So I got out while I could plus my win/loss ratio/percentage was going down and I couldn't have that (I'm one of those people that start the game over or exit if I know I'm about to lose ... whatever, don't judge me I know you do it too and if not there are probably countless other less than moral things you do that don't even compare to my minuscule deed). The funny thing is, I did go online and Google some combos, I wrote a couple down and tried them out but they were too complicated so I gave up.

After that humiliating and slightly traumatic experience I never played VS on Tekken 6 online again :(. I blame those less than par individuals I had to play against, if I would've had worthy opponents then my skills wouldn't be lacking lol jk but there is some truth to that statement, I was used to playing against people who's skills were sub par (no offense) and I was a champ, yes, but when it came to people that were actually a challenge I was utterly pulverized. At the end of the day it was proven that I obviously wasn't as good as I thought I was.

This doesn't just apply to videogames it can apply to anything in life *shrugs* It happens to the best of us. Honestly, you can never progress if you aren't challenged, anyone can overcome the easy hurdles and think they're a champ but if that's all you overcome you never progress whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, in a videogame etc

It was a humiliating yet humbling experience I guess -__-. Moral of the story is you never know how good you are NOT until you meet someone better :)


I still feel those people don't have lives .... jk :)